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The Amazing Melody Johnson's Fibermania Blog
If you don't read The Pioneer Woman you should. She's hilarious
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Articles in December 2008
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On Building Cathedrals
This was sent to me by my sister Deb, and I think it's fabulous. After almost two weeks of having the kids home from school, and feeling invisible for most of that time, this really helps me put things into perspective. I don't know who wrote it, because she is invisible, but I know she's a genius.
Long Live Cathedral Building!
Kimmy
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Invisible Mother......
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It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask me a question. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?' Obviously, not. No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.
I'm invisible. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this? Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ... -
Christmas Carnage on Burlington Path
Due to popular demand, I am reposting this from last year, so you can laugh at me all over again.
You're welcome!
Kimmy
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It seems like everybody is really stressing out big-time over the holidays
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this year, so I thought it might be a good idea for me to tell you how stupid I
was this morning, so you can have a good laugh to mix things up a bit.
Okay. So. I get this brilliant idea this morning to make luminarias out of
ice to place alongside my sidewalk and driveway, because they look so pretty
glowing in the snow at night. However, every time I try to put out conventional
paper luminarias, they blow over in the wind, and I end up racing down the
street chasing multiple rolling flaming paper bags while my neighbors snicker
and point. Having previously resolved not to make an even bigger fool of
myself than I already am during the Christmas Season of 2007, I decided that I
would be so smart that, this year at least, everyone would be stunned and
amazed by my dazzling smartness rather than my usual idiocy.
Digging through my kitchen to find something cool looking ... -
Stop the Presses! I Actually Made Something Out of Stash Fabric!
Will wonders never cease? Believe it or not, I actually made quilts (three of them!) from stash fabric. It's like a Christmas Miracle! It's the New Me! If I keep this sort of thing up, soon I will have the strength of ten Grinches. (plus two!)
About three years ago, I made a Log Cabin in the barnraising set out of 1930's fabrics for my church's fundraiser.
I didn't know how big I wanted the quilt to be, so I just started cutting one and a half inch wide strips, and forgot to stop cutting. Before I knew it, I had enough strips to make a quilt large enough to keep an entire Amish family snuggly warm throughout a harsh winter. Since we don't exactly have lots of Amish families at our church, what with being a congregation of lutefisk eating Lutherans and all, I decided to just make the quilt a generous queen size and call it good. The leftover strips, all forty eleven thousand of them, were jammed into a giant Zip-Lock bag and shoved into the back of a drawer to continue to age.
Occasionally I'd stumble across the bag ...
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Candy And Quilts. Life Is Good.
It's one of the inarguable facts of the universe; Quilters like candy. So, to show you what a caring and sensitive person I am, I am going to share with you a recipe that combines three of the best things in life. #1. Sweet. #2 Salty. #3 Easy.
Start with these items. You can use any kind of Kisses that you want. I prefer the Candy Cane ones because I think the red and white stipes look festive, but when you consider the fact that these little babies get gobbled up before they've even had a chance to get halfway cooled off, I suppose that it really doesn't matter if they look festive or not.
Cut a sheet of the parchment paper to fit your cookie sheet. (you'll want to use parchment paper to make cleanup easy. easy cleanup is good. if God didn't want us to have easy cleanup, He never would invented parchment paper.) Lay out rows of pretzel rings. Crowd them in nice and tight so you can get the making part over with and begin the eating part as quickly as possible. Unwrap your Kisses and put one Kiss inside of ...
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It Takes A Village
Back in 1990, Mr. Kimmy bought me three little buildings. At the time, I thought it was the dumbest gift I had ever gotten. Being the caring and sensitive person that I am, I didn't want to hurt his feelings, so I told him some variation of "Oh, what a lovely gift!" but inside I was thinking "Oh, brother." What sort of idiot would ever collect these buildings, or worse, actually spend money on them?!? Not me, that's for sure. Nope. I'm way too smart for that. Not me. Never. I mean it, too.
Approximately $5000.00 and eighteen years later, this is what I currently have in what was once my living room.
It's not my fault. Mr. Kimmy made me buy them. All 37 of them. And 75 people. And more trees and shrubbery than I care to count. It's all his fault. That's my story, and I'm sticking with it.
Village Assembly Time begins on Thanksgiving Evening and starts with us moving all of the living room furniture over and smushing it together in a huddled little group. If you come to visit me, and we sit in the living ...
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